Signs

Found my guitar tuner a few days back. That made me happy. It was a sign for me to start playing again. Tuned up my guitar, but by then it was time for bed. Tried playing a few chords. Very rusty, must practice.

Listening to this one song from Buck 65's Dirtbike 3 non-stop. So amazingly good. The way you look at me sometimes, could melt the snow. Also the song Windsor Beer by The Crooked Brothers. It makes me want to head to the Windsor, have a few beer, and listen to the blues. Just sounds like home. I'll get Windsor drunk, and start thinking Windsor clear. Now that I have loved you, love will never be the same. Drinking for me often brings this weird sense of clarity. When it should be making things more muddled. I think too much.

I am actually sober writing this at 5:30 am. Usually when I'm up this late, I'm in an altered state of mind. Decided to give my liver a break today. Plus I took way too many naps, so that fucked up my sleep. It would've been fine, but there's so many people here. Playing musical beds. My niece hi-jacked my first bed, so I optioned the couch. People came in drunk, told me to go downstairs and sleep. I did, however about 20 minutes later, they had since forgot. Came downstairs and booted me out of that bed. Tried the couch again. That didn't work. I believe I have slept for about an hour tonight. I might try the couch again, but it doesn't seem promising.

Christmas was good. Got a new digital camera, a Wii, a Wii Fit Plus, a dress shirt and a gift card for more clothes. Hope to make it back into the city tomorrow in time for some Boxing Day shopping. Need to pick up a few things before I head out to Mexico on the 27th.

Did the last show of the year this past Sunday. It was fun, got to play what I've been listening to over the past week or two, or even the past year. Won't be doing the show this Sunday as I'll be in Mexico. Might make it back in time to do the first show of the year on January 3rd, however, I am unaware what time my flight gets back in.

Trying to convince myself to buy $350 headphones. Don't think I'll win that argument. So glad I'm not trying to sleep right now, said people keep on walking up and down the stairs, and passing through the couch area.

I'm still breathing, my heart's still beating...my thoughts cannot stop racing. Sleep. Music. Lyrics.

Writing/Music

Been having a pretty good week so far. Not letting things get to me. Moving on. It's a good feeling. I've been meaning to write more. Both on this and for myself. I've finally gotten around to this, hope to get around to writing on paper soon.

Pretty uneventful week. Went out Monday for a friend's birthday. That was fun. Worked through the volunteer party. Skipped out on the staff party tonight. Tomorrow should be a blast. Going out with my best friend for her birthday! So excited, it's been so long since we've celebrated her birthday together. I'm not sure what's up for Saturday. Really want to go see The Farrell Brothers, but we'll see how that goes.

Been listening to Buck 65's Dirtbike project non-stop. Especially Dirtbike 3. There's this one track on there I cannot get enough of. Looking forward to doing the radio show on Sunday. It'll be our last show of the year. No theme, going to play music we straight up enjoy. Good times.

Good Show

Had an awesome show tonight. Everything just came together. There was nothing that I wanted to play that I didn't get the chance to. Kicked off the show with Mos Def. Oh how I love him. Jocelyn played some awesome tracks I really dug. Got my Buck 65 fix. He's just so amazing. I believe I'll love anything he's involved with. Learned about this Dirtbike project he did last year. Started listening to it today. We'll see how that goes.

Been listening to a lot of the Beastie Boys this past week. Playing Solid Gold Hits non-stop. They rock so much, and just put me in a good mood. I knew I got my Solid Gold tattoo for more reasons than Eagles of Death Metal. Go Beastie Boys!

After so much of nothing, I have so much going on this week. A friend's birthday party tomorrow, possibly a volunteer get together on Wednesday, a staff party on Thursday, my best friend's birthday on Friday, along with 80's vs 90's night. Definitely looking forward to that. On Saturday is another friends birthday party, the Crooked Brothers are playing, and so are the Farrell Brothers at the Albert. But no matter what events I decide to go to when, I'm sure it'll be fun.

Almost picked up my guitar yesterday for about the first time in 6 months. However it's horribly out of tune, and I misplaced my tuner. I cannot tune it by ear. I did a lot of writing over the weekend, and feel good about it. Things to expand on.

Choices

I always seem to make bad choices. Well not always, but more often than not, especially when dealing with my love life. And that is all I shall say about that.

I haven't been very good about updating lately. Just been too busy with someone that wasn't really worth my time in the long run. Must start going to shows again. I have missed way too many shows since August. There has been so many shows that I've wanted to go to, but I didn't for various reasons, and I'm just finally kicking myself in the ass about that now.

Must start anew.

A few weeks ago, The Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day finally played in my fair city. Went and watched it, it was awesome as far as sequels go. I believe that was the last movie I went to go see in the theatres.

Been doing a shitload of reading. Finally read some Hemingway, and actually enjoyed the 2 books of his that I read. Next is a detective novel, see how that turns out. Sherlock Holmes comes out this month. I really want to see that, and also read the set of novels he was featured in. But am unsure where to start. Just finish reading the books that I currently have out of the library and the ones that are on hold.

That is my life as of late, movies and books, and radio show on Sundays. The radio show brings me up. Had a shitty weekend, the show definitely brought my mood up for the time being. So many things to do, so little time. Must get a passport. Don't want to. Ugh.

Don't Think Twice, It's Alright

It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
If’in you don’t know by now
An' it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It’ll never do some how.
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window and I'll be gone
You're the reason I'm trav'lin' on
Don't think twice, it's all right

It ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
An' it ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
I'm on the dark side of the road
but I wish there was somethin' you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
We never did too much talkin' anyway
So don't think twice, it's all right

It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
Like you never done before
It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
I can't hear you any more
I'm a-thinkin' and a-wond'rin' walkin’ down the road
I once loved a woman, a child I'm told
I give her my heart but she wanted my soul
But don't think twice, it's all right

So long, Honey Babe
Where I'm bound, I can't tell
But Goodbye's too good a word, babe
So I'll just say fare thee well
I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don't mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time
But don't think twice, it's all right

Written by the always awesome Bob Dylan

November 2

November is upon us. I was looking at my phone yesterday doing the radio show, and was like wow it's November. The months are flying by. I haven't gone to any shows. Been going to see a lot of movies in the theatre. I love movies. If there's one thing I love as much as music, it's movies. In the past year, I rarely went to the theatre. I think I've been to the theatre more in the past month than I've gone in the past year. Boondock Saints 2 is out, must find out where it's playing in this city. I'm not sure if it is even. Damn limited releases.

The radio show is going well, Jocelyn and I have been having friendly competitions the past few weeks. It makes for fun radio. I wish I could drag myself to more shows, but I've been such a cheap ass, as of late. But movies are good and entertaining and best of all, cheap.

I'm not sure what to write, lots of things happening, and yet nothing at all.

Wandering the streets of this city

Wandering the streets of this city
Tryin to clear my mind
Nothin is workin
Wanting all my thoughts to go away
Worrying about nothin and everthin
Don't know what to do
Hoping my worries and fears
Don't turn out to be true
My brain is so scattered
Tryin to make sense of it all
So confused and lost
With nowhere to go
And no one to turn to
Who'll understand this
Fucked up situation
Always manage to get myself into these messes
It might just not be myself this time
Dragging someone in
Who doesn't deserve it
It's all my fault and no one else's
Must take blame for my indiscretions

Been feeling somewhat anti-social as of late. I don't know what's up with me. Been extremely moody and short with people for absolutely no reason. I don't want to do anything, just sleep. But I can't sleep. Sleep eludes me, it's some myth.

Reoccurring headaches. I haven't had chronic headaches in years. Now they're coming back with vengeance. Weird stabbing pains in odd areas. I hate complaining. But I miss sleeping in the most. I often find myself waking at normal people hours, when all I want to do is sleep for a few more hours.

He up and left me yesterday
Today he came and took my dog away
This place is so empty now
Just last week
We were so happy
Playing house
Now it's more silent
than a mouse
My thoughts bouncing off these walls
Ain't got nothin'
but time to think
For him I'd up and leave
to go any place
Instead he went away
On his own
and left me here
all alone

Laying in bed alone at night
Trying to convince myself that you're Mr. Right
How could my heart lead me astray
Wanting to live our lives this way
Not wanting to live a lie
Wanting this to be true
How could my views be this askew?
Don't know what I want
Trying to convince myself otherwise
Most things that come out of me are lies
So good at playing this game
But you're so very wrong for me

Absent

Wow. It's been forever since I updated this thing. Last thing I posted about was AC/DC. It's not like my life has been terribly busy. Just been spending a lot of time outdoors. September was such a beautiful month. It was our summer. Lots of fun times spent at The Forks, after dark, with some good company and some beer. I'm not much of a beer drinker. But it's been growing on me.

Went to less than a handful of shows in the past month. Didn't get to see most of the awesome shows that have passed through lately. I did get to see The Hold Steady. So awesome. I love their music. One night me and Jocelyn went to see The Angry Dragons. It was a small show, it was awesome, we got to dance barefoot on the dance floor. I loved it, they did a Cramps cover, and I love The Cramps. They played again this past Friday.

There was so much awesome stuff happening on Friday, but I was way too tired and beat to do anything. So I missed The Pie Fight in the exchange. I missed Quagmire and The Angry Dragons at the Albert, and Moses Mayes at The Pyramid. I still have yet to see Moses Mayes. I really want to, I just want to go out dancing. I had so much fun last time dancing at The Angry Dragons.

Went to see A Wilhelm Scream at The Pyramid on Thursday. That was awesome. I don't know much about them, and haven't heard their music before that night. I got there was this dude on the patio, and he was talking about this awesome Simpsons episode he had just seen. I was eavesdropping and I was giggling at his story. And then he started going on about how awesome Zoidberd is. So I thought this was a pretty cool dude. When Wilhelm took the stage, it was the lead singer. It made me like them so much more. Almost everything for me relates to The Simpsons. They were great! Better than Bob Dylan...is apparently the new joke for shows happening at The Pyramid.

Speaking of being better than Bob Dylan, the band where this whole thing started is playing at The Pyramid on the 13th. I'm stoked. I love Shout Out Out Out Out. That's a good dancy time! I'm definitely dragging myself out of the house for that one. I need to read my Uptown magazine and figure out what's going on this month. Must make a plan.

The show went well today. I liked the way everything turned out. Random CD's that somehow, and wonderfully come together.

Unsure

This month has been really uneventful. I haven't gone to any shows, which is really sad. Well I lied. I did go to one amazing show this month. That was only a few days ago, when AC/DC graced my city with their presence. It was an amazing show. They sure know how to rock it. The stage theatrics were so good. The cannons, Rosie, the trains, the animations, just killer.

There was a few shows going on this month that I really wanted to go to, but never had the chance to, or just didn't get out. So the plan for next month is to go to the shows I really want to. Skratch Bastid is coming here to play at the Pyramid, I'd love to check him out, he's one of my favourite D.J.'s. I really only know of him because of his collaborations with Buck 65. But I think it would definitely be an interesting show to check out.

The Hold Steady is also coming next month, however their show has been sold out for quite a while, and doubt if I can get tickets. I also believe that Franz Ferdinand will be in town. I really need to get Uptown, and check out the shows. They've just been really hard to find lately. So that has also impacted me going or not going to shows, because I don't find out they've happened, until the next day or something.

Must get on top of things. It seems like I have no time, but in the same instance all I have is spare time. It's quite the conundrum.

Untitled

Waiting for you to reach out
So much alike,
You're doing the same.
Pretending we don't care,
Even though we have
so much to share.
Wish we could get over it
Trying so hard
but cannot change.
When we should
really just rearrange.
This complicated situation.
It could be so clear
But we're way too lost.
So sort this
mess out.
Just admit
to what
our heart
desires
Don't want to
put out the
fire.
It burns
white hot
deep inside.
Wanting each other
to realise.
Think that it's
far too late
To commiserate
These emotions that
lay deep inside.

Angeline

I sold the house last Tuesday
I went to brother's house for beers
The heat turned off last Sunday
But it's been cold in here for years
And I could tell that you've been changing
While all along I stay the same
While your life's been rearranging
All you left me was my name

And it all seems like a dream
You've gone and left me, Angeline
You ain't telling a lie
I can see it your eyes

Well all the folks
They've been asking
How you've been
And where you are
I hope you find what you are looking for out there
It's hard to tell from afar

And I guess it's hard to tell
What's to be in the coming years
I guess I knew we wouldn't make it
But what do I do with all these tears

You were my beauty queen
You've gone and left me, Angeline

You ain't telling a lie
I can see it your eyes
You ain't telling a lie
I can see it your eyes.

By Romi Mayes

California

I’m California bound
I can hardly wait to lay my beach towel out
The sky is closing in
I can feel the future on my skin
Glistening like a horse
shining like a city of quartz

Running out of phase
The desert and the microwaves
A siren and a whore
in the echo of the last good war
On the air tonight
On the air tonight

Your voice is nothing against the noise of the engine grinding out that summer line
Coast in slow over Reno, the Diablos
I can almost see the waves break on the dial

When the last flight touches down
When the immigrants have kissed the ground
When your legs are tucked away
and the colourful has turned to beige
Stand glistening like a horse
Shining like a city of quartz

By Greg MacPherson

Untitled

Sound so scared
Wanting to let it go
Nobody will notice
Nobody will know,
It's totally apparent
My voice gives it away
Trying so hard
but there's nothing left to say
Can't cover it up
Your ears
bear witness
Sound so shaky
and unsure.
Wanting you to
be aware.
Of my lack of
confidence
Wanting to be bigger
than the show
Listening to the replay
thinking of all the good things
I should say.

Wow

So apparently it's already August. The calender hanging up in my kitchen still says it's June. I think it's time for me to change that. I probably won't.

I had a fun August long weekend, went over to a friend's/coworker's on Saturday. Was very entertaining, listened to a bunch of awesome music, drank copious amounts of rum. It was terrific. Also tried my very first gin and tonic. My god was it amazing. I now need to stock up on gin and tonic for that very matter.

I really want to build up my liquor supply just in case I decided to ever entertain, I would be an awesome host because I would have a well stocked liquor cabinet.

Sunday the radio show went well. Didn't know what my plan was for most of it. Decided to play punk and harder rock for the first half an hour. Then decided to switch over to hip hop and rap for the second half hour. The last half hour, I wanted to slow things down and mellow them out, so I did with some softer rock music and country. I think it worked out swimmingly.

I just can't believe it's August already. I need to do something. I really want to go home for at least one weekend this summer but with no car, I don't think it was meant to be. Probably won't be able to go home until Thanksgiving which very unfortunate. I'm missing my family right now.

So many things to do, in so little time.

Right On

The Briggs were fucking awesome! I got there, and my name wasn't on the list. The doorman talked to someone with The Briggs and I was let it. Go me!

I arrived way to early. Really must work on my timing. It was after 11 when Left Alone came on. They put on a fun show.

The Briggs came on just before 12:30. I was worried I wouldn't make my last bus, or I would have to leave the show early. However it all worked out for the best. They played an awesome set and were highly entertaining. I had fun on the outskirts of the mosh pit. Involved but not totally. They finished their last song just in time for me to leave. Or at least I hope that's how it played out. For all I know they went on for an encore, I didn't stay to find out.

Couldn't focus today. Totally scatterbrained. Had fun though.

Good stuff

Inspiration has struck, or people have given me good ideas. I think it's both the same. Things seems to be going well. I was able to write over the past weekend, thinking of more stuff to write. Always thinking. This time thinking and reflecting is a good thing rather than not.

At the same time I seem to have a lot of pent up rage and aggression. It's weird. One hand I'm stoked and whatnot, and at the same time, sometimes I just wanna punch or push random douche bags. I'm not liking this random violence feeling.

Tomorrow I shall get rid of all that pent up rage and aggression. I won tickets for The Briggs and Left Alone, at the Albert tomorrow. A good punk mosh pit should do that for me. I'm looking forward to it. I have a plus one, but have been unsuccessful at finding one. Nothing I'm too concerned about. It's just how I roll.

Rockness

I've been listening to Bike for Three! pretty much non stop since I bought the CD last week. It's just so awesomely amazing. I've also been listening to Camera Obscura. Nothing really interesting happened in the past week.

The show went well tonight. Didn't get to play everything on my list, but that's a good thing, because I can play it next week, or the week after. The playlists are being posted at onlycowardssingatnight.blogspot.com.

Went and seen Flash Lightnin' and Eagles of Death Metal after the show. It was awesome Flash Lightnin' rocks, and I want to listen to them more. Eagles of Death Metal were stellar! They opened up with Cherry Cola. I can't exactly remember what the last song was. They played my personal favourites for the most part. But I like so many of their songs. I was so stoked they did Whorehoppin'. I was pleasantly surprised that they played my favourite song, Now I'm A Fool. It strikes me as a more mellow tune. I was so happy they performed it. Jesse started off the encore with Takin' Care of Business. They did a few covers in the encore. I hope they make it back here again.

Last night, had a bit of a break in the writers block, and wrote a few things last night. I haven't read them over, but am glad I was able to write, and I'm sure it's at least half decent.

Hopefully I was able to make some one's night. I had an extra ticket, and couldn't find anyone to come with me to E.O.D.M. When I got to the venue I asked if they were selling tickets, and it was sold out, well they had only 1 ticket left. So I told them if someone was looking for a ticket to give them mine. Hopefully someone went there and was able to get it for free.

That was my good deed for the week. Not that I have a good deed quota.

Cleverness

Well what has transpired in the past week in a bit? I meant to update this yesterday, but I have a horrible memory. Last week was pretty uneventful for the most part.

Friday after work, I went and got a super sweet tattoo. I love it. People think I'm clever, even thought it's not what I imagined in my head. It's my tattoo artist who's clever.

Saturday night, I went out to the Pyramid to go check out, Bruthers of Different Muthers, Dreadnaught, and Breach of Trust. I was wasted. They put on a really good shows. I need to learn to be more quiet whilst drinking. Had a great time, stayed for way too long. I met Breach of Trust years ago when I was 16. They were opening up for Finger Eleven, I remember talking to them, and they were really nice guys. That's why I wanted to go see them again, and true to form, they are really nice guys.

I couldn't sleep in on Sunday for whatever reason. Was up way too early. Went to the mall in the afternoon. Bought two CDs. Was at the station at 4:30. Gave me plenty of time to find my music, have a simple game plan, and start. I knew what I wanted to start off the show with. I knew generally the songs/bands I wanted to play. When the show started, I had two or three songs lined up, after that I had no idea. I kept it up the entire show, not knowing what I was going to play the next song or two. Just ideas and moods, after listening to one song, well I'd like to hear this next, and so forth.

Three shows down, five to go until Jocelyn returns.

After the show I stuck around the station for a bit. Found and listened to some new music. Came home listened to said music. Watched a bunch of romantic comedies that were playing on Movie Time. Laid in bed, listened to music again whilst reading Hard Core Roadshow. The journal of writing a movie about a four punk guys, doing a reunion tour is awesome. It makes me want to start a band, and tour.

Today I listened to Bike for Three, most of the day. I love Richard Terfry/Buck 65. Just something about his voice, and the lyrics he comes up with. Joelle the other person in this project, her music is so very imaginative. I really enjoy this collaboration. I think it's so amazing that they've never actually met in person.

It makes me really want to write and create. Start something up.

The only thing holding me back, is myself.

Even Cowgirls Get The Blues

I haven't seen Sandy, angry Johnny, or Mary
I heard they got married
Mighta had a couple babies
And traded their memories
For Farview and Acres
And never play no pinball
Or get out past the breakers

But not me, pretty baby
I still love Tom Petty songs
And driving old men crazy
And not while Little Eden is waiting
So you sing me slow songs
And I'll drive you crazy
Tonight

Yeah

But all I want is you to be alright and satisfied
Brothers and sisters know anytime or late at night
If you call I will answer, I'm open ears though tired eyes
But the world closed it's arms on us now

Can I get a witness pretty baby
I still love Tom Petty songs
And driving old men crazy
And not while Little Eden is waiting
So you sing me a slow song
And I'll drive you crazy
Tonight

All right, all right
All right, all right
All night, all night!

There's a party tonight, say it's alright
Tell your poppa you'll be home when the good feeling dies

But not me, pretty baby
I still love Tom Petty songs
And driving old men crazy
And not while Little Eden is waiting
So you sing me a slow song darlin'
I'll drive you crazy
Tonight

All right, all right
All right, all right
Tonight! Honey!
All night, tonight
And I'll drive you crazy
Tonight

A song I currently can't stop listening to by The Gaslight Anthem.

Sweet

I just got back from seeing No Doubt, it was off the hook!! Bedouin Soundclash was the first opener and they put on a really good set, the reggaeness of it, brought me back to yesterday and Reggae Fest. Paramore went on next, they did well, I'm not a fan of theirs really. I haven't really heard a song by them, so it's not that I'm not a fan, I just really haven't heard of them, other than they had a song or two on the Twilight soundtrack, which I also haven't watched.

No Doubt was kick ass. They opened up with Spiderwebs, and ended off their encore with Sunday Morning, two of my favourite No Doubt songs. I listened to Jocelyn's advice and it worked remarkably well. Do not listen to the band you're going to see before you see them. I've been boycotting No Doubt on my iPod and my iTunes for the past month. But every song they played was awesome. If I had been listening to them, I would've been, like ugh, they didn't play this or that song.

I'm keeping up the advice for Eagles of Death Metal, so I removed them from my iPod, and if they start playing on my iTunes I pass it up. I'm so stoked for Eagles of Death Metal at the end of the month. So no listening to them, it's hard, but I think I'll be able to do it, that way when I go see them, it's all the more awesome.

On Friday I'm getting a super sweet tattoo, I'm really looking forward too it. Right now I'm obsessed with the Gaslight Anthem. They rock like hardcore!!!

Hurrah?

I think the show went really well today, minus a few hiccups. I tried playing a song that Jocelyn requested, but when I went to play it the internet stopped working. Boourns. I also had to do a Folk Fest recap with this guy named Adam, however it took me a few minutes to figure out the Telco feature. But other than those little mistakes, it went well, I wasn't as nervous.

After the show, I walked over to Old Market Square to check out the Soca Reggae Festival, it was the last night. I haven't seen much live music lately, so it was nice. I left early though, I liked the bands and artists I did manage to see.

Tomorrow I'm going to see No Doubt hopefully that's a skankin' good time. This weekend Breach of Trust is playing at the Pyramid, I really want to go. I seen them once when I was younger, they were opening up for Finger Eleven and after the show we got to hang out with all the bands, and Breach of Trust were really nice guys. So this Saturday I'm gonna go check them out.

I haven't touched my guitar in like forever. I'm not to sure how I feel about that. I haven't been writing much either. I haven't been really busy or anything in particular, I'm probably just not getting much inspiration, but it's all good, and I don't want to force anything. The summer has been treating me well thus far, and I'm enjoying the weather and walking around downtown and absorbing my surroundings.

Nerves

Did the show solo today. I was nervous and it was apparent. I tried not to be too organised, didn't have a set playlist, just had a list of songs I wanted to play, in no particular order. Next week look in show mailbox before the show, and not almost at the end. The show after Only Cowards, The Faktory had left a CD for me to play. When I put it in the CD player it kept on coming up error. It took me 10 minutes after their show had started that I needed to put the CD into the actual computer tower. I feel really bad. I'm not always the brightest crayon in the box.

After the show and whatnot, I went to Old Market Square. Went the Jazz Wrap Up to go see Moses Mayes, however seen a few bands before that. There was this awesome Australian band. I need to figure it out, I'm sure I will. Also see The Beast. I left during The Beast. I was way to tired to stay any longer. I'm really disappointed I couldn't muster up the energy to stay longer. But hey you're tired, you're tired.

The end of the Jonas Brothers concert downtown + Sunday Night Cruise = Traffic Nightmare. I don't get the deal is with the Jonas Brothers, but I guess they're like the Backstreet Boys or New Kids On The Block. I don't believe I've actually ever heard a song by them, oh well. Traffic was nuts. If I were driving I'd be screaming. Luckily I am now a permanent bus rider. So traffic didn't get me angry.

Captain Lazerwolf is officially dead. She could rise from the dead with a new engine, but I don't see that being in the cards for quite a while. I am a horrible car owner, and with me naming my car, she finally took my lack of attention personally, and gave up on me. I am at fault, but I never once said I should be a car owner, all the maintenance is so tedious and costing. Public transportation is so much cheaper. Rest in Peace Captain Lazerwolf, maybe one day you'll come back to life, and be like a zombie or Frankenstein.

So Yeah

I haven't updated in like a week. Me and Erin have reinstated the pen pal program. I'm ecstatic, I love writing letters. I'm in the process of writing her a long ass letter about nothing really at all.

Yesterday was Jocelyn's last show before she goes to Africa. She leaves tomorrow, I'll miss her while she's gone, but I'm sure she's going to have an awesome time traveling. Next week I take over the show. I'm working on a playlist, hopefully it's awesome and all comes together. We had her going away party on Saturday, it was a fun, drank an assload of rum.

Went to Rock on the Range earlier on Saturday. Really only went to see Rancid, didn't really pay attention to the other bands, even though I was there. Was just like meh, couldn't get into the music, but Rancid killed it! They were killer, so amazing. I just love them. They did almost the same setlist in Saskatoon, there was a few song changes. Still awesomeness all around.

Haven't been to much shows lately, I'm trying to think about what was the last show before Rock on the Range. I guess it was Wab, last week at the pyramid. Before that was Rancid in Saskatoon. I feel like I'm missing out. Last night was Andrew W.K. at The Albert. I was way to tired to go. I feel lame. There should be some awesome shows coming up. No Doubt in a few weeks, and I'm sure I can find something to go to before then.

Need to go finish writing that letter.

Bah

I came out to my reserve yesterday. On Friday, I went and seen Wab perform at the Pyramid. There was an awesome opening hip hop group. Cannot remember what they were called. I went out last night, got to hang with people I haven't seen in a while.

Got back to my sisters around 9 or 10 this morning. I slept for 4 hours. Went for a swim with my clothes on. It was awesome. Tried driving back home. Made it about 15-20 minutes away, then my car died. Captain Lazerwolf is no more. Well she is, she needs to be fixed. But I'm kind of over it. It barely started all winter, now this. I'm not planning on traveling much outside of the city this summer. I'm working weekends and have the radio show on Sundays. We have a half decent transit system. Not having to pay to insure my car would be awesome, and I would save so much money not buying gas. I can get a bus pass from work for about 55$ a month. I just kind of want to abandon my car. Have to get it towed somewhere tomorrow, can't really leave it on the side of the highway as much as I'd like to.

I just figured out my sister had wireless internet. Even she didn't know she had it. Instead since yesterday I was waiting turns for the computer, meanwhile I could've used my laptop. Oh well at least I figured it out.

Catching a ride to Kenora with my aunt tomorrow. Have to leave ridiculously early. I'm going to miss work. Have to remember to call them early tomorrow let them know I'm stuck in Ontario. The bus doesn't leave Kenora until the afternoon when my work day is almost done.

Have to figure out what to do about my car. Too many things to do.

Need/Thinking

I'm unsure what to do. I'm unsure what to think. I'm just unsure. All I've been doing is thinking the past few days. I've been lost inside my own head, thinking, thinking thinking. Need to stop. No more thinking. Can't stop. Downloading T.V. Shows and music. Need to go music shopping.

I was watching Elvis Costello Spectacle with Lou Reed on Friday. Lou was talking about writing, and where it comes from, and he doesn't know. But not to stop it or get in the way when the writing does come. That's my issue, there's nothing, nothing, nothing. Then the flood gates open. Then I start over thinking what's coming out, whether it sounds corny and lame. I shouldn't, I should just write it all down and worry about that stuff later. Lou said he knew he was in trouble when he started revising. Elvis threw in about how one needs to stop thinking, don't think and just let it happen. I need to work on not thinking.

I feel so very uncreative at the moment. Looking for things to inspire me. Maybe I should stop looking and it will come to me. I can't go chasing after it. I'm scared when I don't write things down, certain ideas, phrases and lyrics will be lost forever. Lou said he's been alive long enough to know it's not gone forever. I'm hopeful for this. I've lost some good ones for now. I want them to come back to me. Stop looking and they will come. Stop thinking and it will fall into place.

Work schedule for the summer is messed. I don't get weekends anymore, which makes it really hard for me to go home at any point. Well I could go home, but everyone would be busy, because one day off is Monday. I don't work Sunday, but I do have the show. This is my last weekend pretty much to go home. So Friday I will go to Wab's music video release party. Saturday I will go home, and return late Sunday, or horribly early Monday.

Saskatoon

I should be sleeping. Or maybe not. I don't work until 12:30 tomorrow, so that's good. I'm tired, but I want to rip all the music I can to my laptop.

I promised myself I wouldn't fill up my laptop with music, but I can't help it. I'm trying to put only my essentials. But I'm not even close to finishing it.

Rancid was A-FUCKING-MAZING!! It was Rancid, like that's all you have to say about that. The Riverboat Gamblers put on an awesome set. Rancid was just stellar, they played a bunch of their old stuff. One of my personal faves, being St. Mary. So killer!! I've never really listened to Rise Against before. They put on a great show, but nothing can really top Rancid. It's a shame they weren't headlining. But nonetheless so glad I finally was able to see them.

Had a good time in Saskatoon actually. As much as we like to bash it here. It's actually a nice small city. You can walk practically everywhere. Well where we were staying anyways.

My car finally got a name on this road trip! From here on out my car is to be called Captain Lazerwolf. Had an awesome time with Jocelyn and Jess. It was just a good fun time, and it would be awesome to do it again.

Should be Sleeping

I should be sleeping right now. I have to be up in 6 hours. I'm picking up a friend at 8. I still need to clean up my car and pack. I am a procrastinator.

I just a got a new macbook today. It is super awesome. I was worried about the transition, but it's super easy and simple to pick up. I'm excited and looking forward to projects I can create with Garage Band. Also being able to cruise the internet for new and exciting music.

Jocelyn is going away in a few weeks, then I take over Only Cowards Sing At Night. It becomes my show in the interim. I'm nervous and excited. Mostly excited. Finding new music that I enjoy and is inspiring, or just fun, is vitally important.

Music is my life. Whether I'm just a spectator witnessing great music before my eyes, or listening to it in my car, house, anywhere. I'm also a participant, with my writing, that will soon turn into music, that I can record, and isn't just in my head. Now with the radio show, music will play an even more active roll in my life. My goal for this summer, is to try to go to as many local shows as I can, and try to find interesting new music. Hopefully that will be inspiration for me.

Thoughts

I just read that David Carradine committed suicide. I'm dumbfounded. I loved him. Why would someone at 73 years of age, think that now's the time. It came from out of nowhere and is totally unexpected. I feel the need to now go and rent Kung Fu on DVD and watch the entire series. I'm sure sales will go up because of this. I don't want to buy it and contribute to the masses.

That's one thing I can never totally understand, and I don't think any of us will. Why would someone want to take their own life. Well I've just read more about it now, apparently it was an accidental hanging. I think we all know what that means. He went out the same way as Michael Hutchence, from INXS. Kinky.

Too many different stories on this event. Some say accidental, others say suicide. I still don't get suicide. I've known a few people who've left the world in this manner. I can't say I haven't thought about it myself. But what drives someone to think that there's nothing left, and that they're absolutely done and spent? I've thought I've been at that point before, but I realised there was so much left for me to live for. I have way too much unfinished business.

Why do people think that all their business is finished, or that there's nothing left to accomplish? I've felt that way at times, but there's something inside me that compels me to live and to keep on striving for better things. I wish other people had this in them, and didn't feel so helpless and hopeless.

Ick

The new Rancid CD totally rocks my socks. I bought it yesterday, it's totally awesome. I couldn't wait for the end of the week, so I decided to buy it the first day out. Glad I couldn't wait.

Yesterday, I was sick, so I called in sick to work. The first time this year. Well actually the second time this year, however, the first time I was made to come into work. I heard that today, that one of my coworkers, was trying to make me come into work. Not fucking impressed. If someone told her when she called in sick, that she had to come in, she'd cry, or something, throw a fit. Luckily one of my other coworkers talked some sense into her. I was worried that I would have to come into work, because we are extremely short staffed. However when I re-awoke at 2 pm, I knew I was safe.

I sat and read all day it was nice. Finished my second book for the week. Now I'm moving onto a third, but it's my second week. There's three different books I've started, not sure which one I want to finish first.

Work is far too boring. I need to find music, I want my laptop yesterday, but I have to wait until at least Friday. I haven't really been writing or finding music at all lately. All my thoughts have been focused on reading. No inspiration has really hit me, as of late.

I have an hour and thirty minutes left in my shift. I really just want to crash hardcore. Oh how swell would that be. However we all know I'm going to go home, and stay up until all hours of the night.

I actually accomplished a little something today. I went and paid my membership fees at CKUW. I'm officially a volunteer there. I'm stoked. I think I should go there more often and help catalogue or something. That would help me find new music. But we all know I like to make things more difficult than they already are.

g.f.t.

Thursday was amazingly awesome. The Magnificent 7's put on a great show. I loved the dude totally rockin out and givin 'er on the mandolin. The Farrell Brothers were great. One of the brothers has this amazing white stand-up bass. Its the prettiest/most gorgeous thing EVER! It had incredible pinstripe detailing, and the cut out where the sound comes out, was red. It was great. I totally fell in love with that bass.

There was one unnecessary moment of the night, where I got to see a guys junk in front of the stage, and I believe his girlfriend (I'm hoping his girlfriend, and not some random girl) than tea bagged him. Of all the things I could've went my life without seeing, that's definitely up there. They were right in front of the stage and it was impossible not to look, it took all of my concentration to keep my eyes on the stage. It was much like watching a train wreck.

They disappeared shortly after their display, thankfully. It was then Subcity's time to come on and bring the house down. It was a sold out show, and was absolutely amazing. At some points the dance floor suddenly transformed into a mosh pit, but it was cool, someone stomped on my ankle, and it bruised and swole up a bit. Nothing I can't handle, and I just like complaining about small things. They were great, played some new stuff, played some great old stuff. I skanked/danced the whole time they were on. I love them, so freaking much.

Among the other good news I got Thursday, was my DVD The Last Boy Scout, had arrived at CD Plus, I was thankful for that. My mom also called me to wish me a happy belated birthday. During that conversation, I talked my way into a brand new laptop. I'm totally stoked. She's sending it to me this Friday. Now I'll be able to update this thing from home and not work.

I'm getting a mac book, the only thing that sucks about it, I won't really be able to game on it. However it'll do wonders for my recording. That's what I most want it for, so I can record, and also for when I take over the radio show in a few weeks, I'll be able to research music. I'm really excited.

My weekend was pretty uneventful. I started reading The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy on Tuesday, I finished reading it last night. I co-hosted Only Cowards Sing At Night, with Jocelyn last night. That was fun, I hadn't really been listening to music all week (reading and going to shows), so we mostly played her music, I believe I picked 3 or 4 songs to play.

This time next week, I shall be in Saskatoon, getting ready to see Rancid. Like oh my god!! I've been waiting years to see them, and I get to see them TWICE this month alone! We're heading off to Saskatoon on Sunday, and returning on Tuesday. The new Rancid CD comes out tomorrow, I should definitely pick that up before next week.

On another note, just so I don't forget the new CKY album came out a week or two ago, and they're coming to Winnipeg, June 22nd. I must go. I should buy my tickets sooner rather than later.

I'm just really looking forward to my new laptop, and the things that it'll bring me. It'll bring me awesome new music, let me create awesome (hopefully) new music. Just hopefully the new laptop will help inspire rather than inhibit me.

Huzzah!

Last night was fun. Grand Analog put on a good show, and I really dug what he played. Hip hop is so much fun to dance too, I almost forgot.

I got way too drunk, and was almost passing out on the patio, then I went inside the bathroom to get sick, then I was OK, and drank some water, then went back to drinking booze again. Haha.

I had a great time with Jocelyn, we just sat around and talked about various things for a few hours it seemed. It was awesome. We mostly talked about music, and disusing certain words. I totally would like to see Hawksley Workman again.

Tonight is Subcity Dwellers, that promises to be a good fun time. I hear more and more people I know are coming, so that should be awesomeness. Saturday TV on the Radio is playing at the Burt. I would really like to go see them. I only know one song by them, and it's really killer, and they seem like they would be amazing live.

There's just so many awesome shows coming up in the next little bit. I'm really excited and looking forward too them. My mom just called, she forgot to call me yesterday. She's getting me a laptop for my birthday. Huzzah!!!

There was a lady who approached us on the patio, last night, and asked me for a cigarette, she then told us this heart breaking story. I hope she's safe and is/was able to get where she needs to go. I can't remember her name (I was ridiculously drunk), I wish I could. I've experienced some of the things she was going through. I could understand where she was coming from, and I really wanted to help her. I just really hope and pray she made it to her destination safely.

24

Today I am now 24. Came to work, and am currently still at work. I think the plan for tonight is me and a friend are going to see Grand Analog and stick out like sore thumbs at a hip hop show. But it should be fun.

Monday we went to the grand re-opening of the West End Cultural Centre. It was awesome, Hawksley Workman was hilarious. He's an egomaniac (in the best possible use of the word), but incredibly entertaining. It was super cool, it was just him with his guitar and Mr. Lonely on piano. Very intimate, between songs, he would do what seemed to be a stand-up comedy routine. Like I said very entertaining. He has amazing vocal abilities. I would definitely go see him again. I could see how every show he does is a different experience from the last. The way he would strut across the stage was awesome and amazing.

Greg MacPherson was cool. I love his songwriting style, it's very storytellerish. I totally love song writers who tell stories with their lyrics and melodies. It was just him on stage with his guitar, he switched between an acoustic and two electrics. It was sort of empowering/inspiring to see him on stage just himself and his guitar. It's like you don't necessarily need a band, just you and your guitar, and that's it.

So that sort of got me into a songwriting mood. After the show, and started penning a country tune for a friend. I wrote my own lonesome country tune a week or so ago, and coincidentally my friend's life is like a soap opera. Based on her experiences over the past week and a bit, the song practically wrote itself. It's like the Simpsons when Homer writes Baby on Board, there was a moment when I was writing and was like "hey this song practically writes itself".

I need to practice guitar as I often say. But I can rarely get the focus I need, or the patience. I'm very easily distracted, at least with writing it's purging and getting everything out. But practicing guitar is a very different thing. I hate when I get an awesome lyric or line in my head and I'm driving, and it's just not possible for me to pull over to start writing, otherwise I'd be on the side of the highway for hours. When I finally get to my destination the line is now gone. It's such a peevish quality of mine.

But Grand Analog should be fun tonight, and should be a low key event. Tomorrow night is Subcity Dwellers, the Farrell Bros' and The Magnificent 7's. That also promises to be a good fun time.

Improvement

I did the radio show for the first time on my own on Sunday. It was scary and nerve racking. I needed to talk louder, and I blanked a few times. I totally forgot what I wanted to say at some moments. My music I had well prepared in advance. The music part of the show went off without a hitch. It was the talking part that did me in. Next time I won't wing it, I think I'll bring along notes with my play list that way I know what I want to touch on. As one of my friends said, at least it leaves room for improvement.

I'm always up for improvement. At least I got my first show out of the way, and that's good. I have plenty of room to improve, and hopefully I can learn to speak louder and be not so nervous on air. The "umms" really got to me. I'm super stoked though for taking over the show in the summer.

I'll really need a laptop or something. Some sort of internet that I can access whenever I choose. That's why a laptop would be my best option. Here's hoping someone is kind enough to buy me one, because god knows I'm not going to buy my own.

In exactly one week I turn 24. I'm unsure about how I feel about this event in my life. I don't really have any concrete plans for my birthday, but I've never really been one to have plans, or to celebrate, etc. For myself, I'm going back to a simpler time of being a vegetarian. That is my birthday present to myself.

Monday night me and a few friends are going to see Hawksley Workman open up the West End Cultural Centre. I'm totally excited and stoked. Next Wednesday Grand Analog is having a CD release party that happens to fall on the day of my birthday. Which is totally exciting. I'm half tempted to go, but part of me also wants to do nothing on my birthday. On the Thursday after Subcity Dwellers are also playing at the West End Cultural Centre. I got tickets for that, so I'm most definitely going to that.

A lot of dancing will be had next week. I'm totally looking forward to it. There's a band playing tomorrow night I really wanna check out, however I'm broke until Friday. This sucks. I knew over the weekend I wanted to save some money. But no I didn't, because I don't like to think ahead, and I was hoping the show was Saturday rather than Thursday.

I want to do something that I love. Something I can do with passion. Being a clerk is really getting to me. I do it to pay the bills, but I'd love to get paid to do something I love, like talk, be on the radio, playing music, and things like that. Hopefully over the summer the right person will be listening to my show. There's very little passion in my life right now. My passions are for music and writing. I'm having a difficult time focusing.

I was watching or listening to something the other day where it had such a "wow" moment for me. But I can't really remember what that was all about. It'll come back to me in time I'm sure, because it was such a wow moment. I just wish I could remember the concretes of that moment, and what it was all about.

Only Cowards Sing At Night

Here's the play list for the show of Sunday, May 17th.

1. Wab Kinew - Live by the Drum
2. Devendra Banhart - Lover
3. Little Joy - The Next Time Around
4. CKY - Attached at the Hip
5. Subcity Dwellers - Sweeya
6. Shout Out Out Out Out - Dude You Feel Electrical
7. Desert Sessions - Crawl Home
8. Buck 65 - Corrugated Tin Facade
9. Beck - Think I'm In Love
10. The Real McKenzies - Guy On Stage
11. Chris Carmichael - Gone
12. Grand Analog - Let's Make Love
13. Propagandhi - Without Love
14. Nizlopi - Wash Away
15. The Sea and Cake - Afternoon Speaker
16. Romi Mayes - Givin Is Gone
17. Megapuss - Crop Circle Jerk '94
18. Bunky Echo-Hawk - Decolonization is Sexy
19. Wab Kinew - Last Word

I also played Don't Watch Me Dancing by Little Joy, I don't recall when exactly I played it. It was towards the end of the show. Sometime after Nizlopi and before Megapuss.

Pouring

It's raining right now. I started raining when I laid down in bed last night, that was around 2 or 3 am. It stopped raining when I finally decided it was time to drift off to sleep. I'll say that was approximately around 4 or 5. I'm one of those people who actually likes and enjoys the rain. As much as I love sunny days, I also love a good rainy day. Everyone here is complaining about the rain, I'm sick of it. My favourite weather in the whole-wide-world is sun showers. It's the best of both worlds, it's sunny and rainy, oh how I love it, unfortunately it's not sun showering today.

Before work, I went and bought some guitar picks, because I'm constantly losing them. Here's hoping I won't have to buy more for another week or two.

No internet, and trying to find music is hard. Here's hoping that I get a laptop for my birthday, but I'm highly doubting that.

Monday I did up buying film, however no one answered my calls, and I decided I didn't want to go out and take pictures on my own. So I ended up just staying home.

I do have a pretty stellar play list going, but it feels like I'm missing something, or leaving something out. As the show gets closer, I'm getting more and more nervous. I'm worried people won't like the music I have to play.

Maybe I'm missing something in my life. As much as I try to be happy and cool, sometimes, it's hard to do so. I really miss being in love. I love being alone and on my own, but at the same time, once in a while I miss the companionship, and always having someone to be there for you, emotionally, and intimately.

I've been having really weird and bizarre dreams lately. The other night, I had a dream I was doing the radio show, and just the station was weird and what not. And I had a dog out of nowhere. Last night I had this dream I was following this guy around, we were looking for something but couldn't seem to find it. Actually in my dream, the more I think about it, there was something I needed to get from him, so I was following him, so I was just following him everywhere, and he'd be like oh it's here, then I'd ask him for it, and he wouldn't have it, and encourage me to keep on following. I think I need to stop following. This sucks, I don't want to stop following, and give up. In my dream I also had a baby randomly. The baby randomly showed up in my dream, and I was her mom.

When I was younger I used to have dreams about my future son, in my dreams, people would always take him away from me, and return him after 2 years. The dream I had last night, she was a newborn, and she was given to me, or I had her without knowing. This was definitely different, and I'm not sure what it all means. When I was younger, I used to cry for my son and in my dreams, I desperately wanted him back. With this baby, it was given to me, and I didn't want it. I was wondering why people would willingly give me this baby, and how could they trust me with it. It's not like other baby of my dreams where I would to anything to keep him.

I'm trying to figure out what this all means. I think I need to invest in some dream books or something. My dreams need analysing, or maybe it's just me trying to over analyse everything again. It's a problem of mine over analysing situations.

I really just want to be on a nice beach somewhere without a care in the world.

Gorgeous

Yesterday I co-hosted my friends radio show. Next Sunday I'm on my own. I'm totally nervous, scared and excited. The server for the station went down over the weekend, so unfortunately there's no archive of the show from yesterday. My first show on my own, hopefully nothing goes wrong, and it archives, and my friends and family will be able to download it. Many of my friends and family don't live in the same city as me, so having it stream online is a great thing for me.

I'm at work right now, listening to music, working on a play list for Sundays show. It's such a daunting task. Picking music I like, that I think others will like, that also doesn't have swears. Hopefully has Canadian/Local content, it also can't be top 40. Like wow. I have a pretty big set list right now, but I'm pretty much putting anything on it. I want it to be music I truly dig, and also music that I think other people will dig. I'm more worried about the music than the actual talking. Talking isn't a huge thing for me, in fact it's pretty hard to get me to shut the fuck up. Very rarely in my life am I actually speechless. I'll definitely have to edit my play list down, there's some stuff on there I'm not really digging. But at the same time I don't know if I have enough music to fill an hour and half time slot, and I also don't want to play the same artists over, and over again. I have less than a week to figure this out. It shouldn't be a problem.

It's so nice outside and I'm done work in less than an hour. I spent 5 rolls of film yesterday. I need to buy more. I think I'm going to wander aimlessly taking pictures. I wish I had someone to do it with, but meh whatever. I'm not one for initiating plans with anyone person. I'd rather be the invitee than the one doing the inviting. But yes outdoor, building/nature/whatever pictures must be had today. It's just such a beautiful day you can't pass it up. It's supposed to rain tomorrow. Maybe I will call up a friend or something. It's way too nice of a day to spend on your own. That's the plan, shower, leave work, buy film, go home, pick up my camera, and either take the bus or drive to wherever I feel is right.

Mixed Bag

A lot has happened in the past week or two.

I lost one of my cousins. She was the prettiest thing in the world. She had beautiful hazel-green eyes. She was the life of the party. I hadn't really seen her in the past few years. The last time I seen her, she was definitely the life of the party. She had the cutest littlest boy ever. I grew up with her, and she was an amazing person. Whenever you seen her she had the greatest smile on her face. I grew up with her, in the same household from time to time. I've known her since she was a baby. She'll forever be loved and missed, by her friends and family. Rest in peace Courtney.

Other than that, I went to my reserve for the funeral. There was a lot of people there. I got to see a lot of people that I grew apart from, and burned bridges with. It was nice trying to rebuild those relationships. It was a shitty reason why we were all together in one place. But I got to reconnect with many people I had left behind for whatever dumb reason at the time. I got to apologise and hopefully make amends and rebuild bridges that I burned.

I spent some time with my sister while I was out there, and we had a really great time together. I was thoroughly impressed, when the two of us get together, sometime a scene can be built or something. This time it went very swimmingly, and I'm looking forward to spending more time with my sister in the future.

On Friday night I went to this party on my reserve it was off the hook. There was guys there playing their guitars. It was so much fun. They played music all night long. They were playing the most amazing music. The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Eric Clapton, Foo Fighters, etc. Almost every song we requested they would play. It was totally inspiring. They had two guitars going, one guy would play lead and the other would play rhythm. There was probably 5+ guitar players, and they just rotated the line-up for the song changes. It was a really awesome vibe. So much so I didn't want to leave the party, I ended up staying until Saturday afternoon at 3. I was complimenting one of the guys on his guitar playing and mentioned I had been writing some music recently. That got him to open up, and he played me a few tunes he penned himself. They were pretty killer, and I'm very impressed with the talent my small reservation has to offer.

When I got back home on Sunday, the weekend gave me inspiration to pick up my guitar again. I haven't really touched it in over a month. But this week I've played with it at least once a day. It definitely refreshed me, from my stalemate of practicing.

A friend and I have actually started a band. We plan to get together in the next little while, and collaborate on some song writing. Our band doesn't have a name as of yet, but when we do find one I'm sure it'll be a killer name. We haven't really jammed yet either. The band is in the development stage. But at least I finally belong to one.

I also got some more awesome news on Sunday. One of my friends has a radio show, and she's going away for the summer, so she asked if I could take over her radio show, come July. I'm really stoked for that. It should expose me to awesome new music, and get my name out there. Over the next month and a bit, I'll be sitting in on her radio show and learning the ins and outs. I'm really nervous and excited for this. More excited than nervous, but I'm sure a week or two before I take over the show, the nerves will kick in hardcore!

I just want to end this by saying Rest In Peace to a beautiful angel - Courtney Arica Jack. I hope you're happier now, than you ever were. You'll forever be missed and loved.

Young Liars

My mast ain't so sturdy, my head is at half
I'm searching the clouds for a storm.
My lady reveals herself of marked-down freedom,
Forever cashed out to no more.
She put the plan in the blame. Who is bearing the name
For each digress who's left you up to
Save the skins for a better and the rest for a better.
We can't open, no nothing. Can't open, no nothing.

Young liars
Thank you for taking my hands
Young liars
Thank you for taking my hands

Well, it's cold and it's quiet, and cobblestone cold in here
Fucking for fear of not wanting to fear again
Lonely is all we are
Lovely so far, but my heart's still a marble in an empty jelly jar
Someday suppose that my curious nervousness stills into prescience clairvoyant consciousness
I will be calmer than cream,
Making maps out of your dreams
But will psychic ability kill the nativity or simply diminish the flinch?
Young liars
Young liars
Thank you for taking my hands

And burying them deep in the world's wet womb
Where no one can heed their commands
Where no one can heed their commands
Except young liars
Young liars

Voice strings on vocal before it on words to receive
Take my be just and all I will be is my disease.

By TV on the Radio

Stories

Last night I had a great time at the Shout Out Out Out Out show at the Pyramid. It was pretty kick ass. I liked the first time they played better. They were playing a lot of new stuff, I preferred the music from before.

The last time I seen them, and the first time I seen them, was immediately after I seen Bob Dylan in concert. I love Bob Dylan to death, he's one of the great song writers of our time, and ever. But his show was very mellow, and had a bland energy, as it was a big arena type show. So then I venture, to a smaller venue to see this other band play, and they had such amazing energy, that night, I was more entertained by them, than Bob Dylan. It's like comparing apples and oranges really. Energy and entertainment wise, they definitely gave me my moneys worth. So I was telling someone this story after the show. Before I know it the band tells me they're documenting their travels, so I'm made to repeat my story about how they're better than Bob Dylan. I'm semi hoping it doesn't make the video they decide to put together. Another part of me is hoping it makes it on there, me making a drunken ass of myself, comparing apples and oranges.

I found out a few days ago that one of my favourite bands, Eagles of Death Metal is coming to town. I'm so excited. I love them so much. Their music just makes me want to dance and have fun. The energy they have on their albums is so fun and light. Tickets go on sale tomorrow, here's hoping I score some. I'm sure I will, because not many people have heard of them. They do seem to be getting more and more popular though. I'm totally stoked. I can't wait to get tickets, and I was just talking a few months ago how much I wanted to see them.

There's just so much music stuff that keeps on popping up lately, it's just like whoa. It's all coming together at the right time and place. Everything is slowly falling into place. I think it's all unfolding the way it should be. With all this awesome music coming to me, and me going to it, and seeking it. It's totally inspiring me. I believe all these events happening, will help me find the type of artist I want to be, or at least give me a bit of insight. If I gain nothing else, at the very least, I'll be having a great time with awesome friends, listening and watching amazing music.

Charlieland

I should really be sleeping right now. It's still relatively early in Charlieland. It's after 1 am. I don't work until the afternoon, so sleep shouldn't be an issue. The issue is I need about 12 hours of sleep. I'll probably sleep shortly but who really knows.

I'm not posting from work for a change. I temporarily have access to a laptop which affords me access to wireless Internet. I'm not sure how long this arrangement will last.

Today was awesome. I met up with a few good friends, and went to the grounds of the legislative building. We smoked a joint, and just sat around, chilled and talked for the afternoon. One of my friends had a guitar, so that was fun, I brought along my Wilson Meyer. It was good fun times. Talked about various things, and topics. Brought me some insight to move on from things I cannot change.

The most complete randomness always happens to me. It's just utter randomness, I don't get it, and it always happens to me. I totally just attract random events.

I was talking with one of my friends, and there's so many awesome things coming up this week. Wednesday Shout Out Out Out Out is playing at the Pyramid. On Saturday is 80s vs 90s Night also happening at the Pyramid. It should be good fun times. I plan to dance my ass off both nights. I'm totally stoked.

I was talking with my friend earlier about these interviews I've been watching as of late. I've been totally into Queens of the Stone Age as of late, as well as the Desert Sessions. I've come to the conclusion that Josh Homme is totally amazing, and I look up to him. His interviews are amazing. I was watching this one series of interviews he was doing while promoting Lullabies to Paralyze. The question would be posed, and I was bored, and doing the thing I do, so I would talk aloud and answer the question the way I would answer it. His words were my words. The things he was thinking about music and life, were the things I was thinking. There was one thing that was a total turning point, and is one of my true beliefs. He's like if there's something you can't change, fuck it. There's no point wasting time on it. And that's one of the pillars of my life, and the one I've been struggling with the most as of late. Situations you cannot change, and not being able to just say fuck it. It was just totally amazing, and it made me appreciate him as an artist, and musician that much more. The thoughts and the words that he was conveying.

His thoughts about writing, and creating a certain imagery. But not finishing the sentence, that's up to the viewer/listener to do. It's better that way. I love his writing and his music, and the way he uses certain imagery, and how he doesn't finish the sentence, he lets us the audience do it, and I'd really like to do that with my writing.

I've been not practicing much guitar lately. I've been mainly working on words. I've come up with quite a bit of words actually, but how they will fit with music I'm unsure. I have some melodies that want to get out of my head. However they're still not sure how. My guitar skills are still very limited. That can only be helped with practice. However I find it hard to practice without getting frustrated. I must move on, control my temper and have more patience. The words are coming. I just need help with the music.

Clarification

I was thinking last night. When I started this blog I wanted it to mean something. However I've noticed lately it's just been like a journal. Too much like a journal. Like I did nothing last night. If I did nothing last night, there's no reason to post. I need to get back in that mind set, and only update my blog if there's something to really update. None of this well I have nothing to write about, my weekend was boring, etc. That makes for a boring blog, that no one will want to read. I want to make profound statements and thoughts. If I find myself posting about nothing really in particular, there will be no post. I don't want this to be all filler, I want it to be something people actually read, and take something away from it. So hopefully all of my future posts will actually mean something, or have something to say. I will continue to post about movies and music in my life, amazing instances that have happened, and whatnot. But I will no longer be posting about nothing at all.

So yeah

Easter with the family was good. Got back into the city Monday night. Sunday night I went and chilled with Travis. We watched Repo: The Genetic Opera. It was alright. I might watch it again, afterwards we watched 10 Things I Hate About You. I love that movie. Go teenage high school movies about love and what not. Monday when I got back into the city, didn't really do anything. Yesterday I worked a long ass shift, and today I'm at work again. At least it's a short week, and next week is a short week, as I have taken Monday off. I don't really have anything exciting going on for this week, or this weekend. I hope something comes up within the next few days. Actually on Saturday, my aunt's husband and I are going to the WAG and going to check out the Marilyn Monroe exhibit. We shall see how that goes. He also mentioned doing something else. That seems to be primarily a day thing. I have nothing going on for the evenings. Next week seems to be shaping up well. Monday go chill with a few friends at the legislative building. Wednesday go see this awesome dance/eletronica band from Edmonton.

Oh my god, my coworker just informed me of this awesome Hip Hop festival. Rock The Bells, it's going down this summer in Vancouver and Toronto. I'm totally down. Road trip out to Vancouver this summer is so in order!! I'm so stoked. There's no dates, venues, prices for tickets on their website as of yet. But I am so ready to go regardless. The line up is fucking awesome!! Nas & Damien Marley, The Roots, Common, and much more!! Man I'm totally excited and pumped.

Hurricane

The breeze greets the ocean
With friendly intentions
It responds with cool trepidation
The breeze waits with
much anticipation
They mingle and grow fond
of one another
And work to create
this intense bond
The tension builds up inside
There's so much pressure
there's nowhere to hide
from the storm that's about
to be unleashed
Together they create hurricanes, baby
Nothing can stop the
path that they have set
You better not stand in their way
Unless you're prepared to let
Everything go away
They have absolutely nothing left
to prove
The tension builds up inside
There is so much pressure
there's nowhere to hide
Nothing will remain in their wake
They get everything they
can take.
And break what
they can't have.
The energy is they release
is so obscene.
Everyone knows what it means.
The tension builds up inside
There's so much pressure
There's nowhere to hide
It's here for everyone to see.
You better get
out of their path
Unless you're ready to
feel their wrath.

Self-Determination and Booty Liberation

Dancing for a free Palestine was off the hook. It was most definitely a night of self - determination and booty liberation as promised. I'm out on my reserve right now, for the next day or two. I got here last night. Sat around and visited with my family. Today is pretty much the same. We'll be having our Easter dinner in a bit. I'm really looking forward to next week. Monday the 20th should be fun. Getting together with a few friends for a day date, followed by chilling at the legislative building in the afternoon. Guitars and Wilson Meyers will be had by all! It should be a good fun time. This awesome band Shout Out Out Out Out is playing at the pyramid on the 22nd. That should be a good fun time. The last time I went and seen them was after I seen Bob Dylan in November. They put on an amazing show, they just have really great energy. It should be an awesome night of dancing and partying. I'm totally stoked. They put on a better show than Bob Dylan. It was more entertaining anyways. The Weakerthans are playing this upcoming weekend. I really really want to go see them, but I'm unsure if I will. I just wanna get out and go to as many shows as humanly possible. Just going out and dancing, having a great time with friends, and meeting awesome new people. It's what I'm all about at this moment in time.

A Surrender to Strangeness

Fightin' with the neighbours and screwin' the wife
Hip hop music ruined my life
I bitch and I moan, I lie and I cheat
Waiting for the night when I die in my sleep
I listen to the jukebox and sit by the bar
Taking care of a dog that got hit by a car
Praying for salvation, needing a miracle
Drowning in new music and reading material
Shoe laces untied, telling people I'm rich
Who can't tell the difference between real art
and high kitch
Mouth like a broken bottle,
crooked and bottomless
Half wolf, half crow, half hippopotamus
Sturdy as a paper bag, as well, my face is flawed
But keeping the fire going by the grace of god
And I'm loathe to think that we missed our chance
To find a way out of this downward dance
We got it all wrong

Singing a song with a rock in my mouth
Nobody knows what I am talking about
Lose without a marketing plan and a stylist
Here comes the vilest nihilist finalist
Once and for all, barbed wire and rope
The most beautiful woman is strung out on dope
Slowly the music died, died, died...
Three white horses side by side
Last chance to change, you better hurry. Quick
Laying in a bed, wide awake and I'm worried sick
Completely out-foxed,
I hide from the phone I swear this pen
has a mind of its own
Jaws that go through solid steel, a clenched fist
A breath of fresh air for once and a French kiss
The weight of the world and collapsable me
I'm talking about trouble with a capital T
We got it all wrong.

Very stellar song by Buck 65