**Long Awaited Update**

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Well I haven't updated this blog in like forever! I used to update it all the time, and I don't even remember the last time I updated it. I'm currently writing in my MacBook (yes I'm a snob like that) in a text document, so I can't even look back to see when the last update was and what I last wrote. I believe it was sometime in the summertime when I was feeling betrayed by the people I trusted around me.

Well a few things are new with me, somethings I'm not ready to divulge at this particular moment, but sometime in the upcoming weeks/months.

I've quit drinking, after a gong show New Years Eve, that I don't particularly remember. I was blacked out before midnight, didn't start drinking until after 10 p.m. so that spelled disaster right there. Too many embarrassing stories the next day and weeks told about me and my antics. Figured my drinking days were over since, I couldn't get a grip on myself anymore. Being out of control is not fun. At least my planned self destruction a few years ago, was planned and in control, where I never blacked out. But as time went on being blacked out and doing embarrassing shit became a normal occurrence. That was not the path I wanted to be headed down.

Also in the past month or two, I've given up the one thing that was a constant in my life for the past 10 years. Marijuana. It was a big step, but it had to be done. Surprisingly I don't actually miss it as much as I thought I would. I find my mind is a lot clearer. I'm not so sluggish and I actually feel motivated to do things. I'm not blaming pot for making me sluggish and unmotivated. I believe that part of me was within myself, and I let pot be a crutch for that.

I haven't been writing lately. I don't know what to write, it's like I've hit a wall. Also I don't remember the last time I picked up my guitars and even tuned them. They're so sad and neglected. I miss them, but rarely have the alone time to play with them. Life is cleaning and work now. I'm determined to keep my house clean and not to fall back into old behaviours.

I'm at a major turning point in my life now. I'm 25 now, I'll be 26 in about two months. I have a lot to look forward too. Also another thing I've given up is smoking. I quit smoking back in December. Just once I was finished a pack of cigarettes I decided not to go buy another and it was surprisingly that simple. I haven't had a cigarette since. Not even when I was still drinking. The worst is when I'd crave a cigarette after smoking a bowl. It was my ritual, smoke a bowl, smoke a cigarette. Mmmmm smoke filled lungs. I've become something I never thought I'd be; a sober person, free of everything.

I have a few big choices to make in the near future, decide what I really want for myself. This life is more than just me now, and I have to realise that. I'm unsure what to do, at this current juncture. I know what's coming, but am unsure how to proceed.

I just had a few moments of sideline from writing this, and went into my bedroom to look for something unrelated. But upon further inspection I believe my notebooks from the past few years are missing. So say I'm upset is in understatement. My songs, poems, my soul was in those pads of paper. I hope they're just currently misplaced and hiding somewhere in my abode. I'm too distraught right now to actually look for them. I fear I may just throw things around and create a big mess. I'll wait until I'm calm and have plenty of time to clear things out to look for them. I sincerely hope they're just lost in this mess. Not that there is much of a mess anymore, but I hope you know what I mean.

I was looking for a letter from a doctor's appointment I missed back in December, to get the results of a MRI I had undergone. I forgot to write down the appointment, therefore missed my follow-up. Considering the situation as of late, I feel it's of the utmost importance I get to see the doctor. However, I've only seen this particular doctor once before, and forget his name, and I know what department he works, perhaps on Monday, I'll call that department at the hospital and see what I can do from there.

But yes, I hope to update this thing more often. We shall see where my life is headed now, and what's in store for me.

Sub Peace and Harmony

I got this email over the weekend, in one of my gmail addresses, and just thought I would share it, so weird that I got it in one but not the others. Also I wrote an update over the weekend for this blog that's an actual post, and will update tomorrow

Dear Brothers & Sisters,

We all need to pray for one another, and to love one
another. We should always pray for the safety, peace,
love and brotherhood for people all over the world.

Too bad we can't have an independence day for the
entire world. A day of freedom from ignorance, hatred,
war, illusions, power and control. A day where we can
all love each other as human beings and toss away the
weapons of war, and cast out our fears and hatreds
from our hearts into the graves. We must mourn the
graves of the innocents all over the world, and give
the children of the world the hope of a peaceful,
loving and beautiful world.

A world full of love and without hatred or fear. A
world where we can join hands together and accept one
another, regardless of our skin color, ethnic
divisions, religion or nationality. If we don't unite
as a human race, then we have condemned the future
generation of children a dark and very grim future.

Think of love, compassion and peace always...


MY PRAYER FOR PEACE AND HARMONY

Merciful God, You made all of the people of the world
in Your own image and placed before us the pathway of
salvation through different Preachers who claimed to
have been Your Saints and Prophets. But, the
contradictions (made by us) in the interpretation of
Your teachings have resulted in creating divisions,
faith based hatreds and bloodshed in the world
community. Millions of innocent men, women and
children have so far been brutally killed by the
militants of several religions who have been
committing horrifying crimes against humanity and
millions more would not be butchered by them in the
future, if You guide and help us find ways to reunite
peacefully.

IN THE NAME OF GOD, THE COMPASSIONATE, THE MERCIFUL,
look with compassion on the whole human family; take
away the controversial teachings of arrogance,
divisions and hatreds which have badly infected our
hearts; break down the walls that separate us; reunite
us in bonds of love; and work through our struggle and
confusion to accomplish Your purposes on earth; that,
in Your good time, all nations and races could jointly
serve You in justice, peace and harmony. (Amen)

Regards,
S.A.Rehman
Peace Activist
PAKISTAN