I'm a fuck up. That's pretty much it. I love the drama, can't seem to escape it. I try to, but find myself being drawn back. Now it's pretty much over, but I know I'll always be there for people in my life, even though I should've let them go long ago. It's over before it starts. I get into relationships like that, where I know it's over before it even starts. But I'm in love with being in love, no matter how shitty and fucked up the situation is. I don't like letting people down, even though they don't deserve the goodness that comes from me. I must grow up and learn and move on. We know this won't actually happen.

I turn 25 in 10 days. I'm unsure how I feel about that. I don't know if I'm happy at this point in my life right now. It's making me reflect and think. Last year I had at these grandiose plans. None of which I've actually followed through on. I seem to be all talk and no action. Must work on the action part.

I make horrible decisions. But I must accept them, and go on with life. I don't know what to do, where to go. I can't leave certain people behind even though I must. I don't want to seem to be the abandoner, although they first abandoned me. I realise I make the wrong kinds of "friends" but I think they need my help and no one else will give them the benefit of the doubt. They don't deserve that benefit, but I want them to prove everyone else wrong, and they just end up confirming everyone else's suspicions about them. So embarrassing. I need to start updating this more often. It helps me self-reflect. No more internet at home. We had a good run. I'd say a year off of free hi-jacked internet was more than enough time. I'm surprised it lasted that long.

On a more positive note, my mom, yesterday, spiritually adopted this guy into our family. So now I have another brother, spiritually. It was my first time meeting him, and she's known him for years. He seems like a pretty rad dude from the vibe I got from him. He's family now. I was joking with my mom after he left, next time I see him in public, I'm gonna be like "hey brother, can I have some money?" I learned we have a similar sense of humour. After the adoption, he asked my mom, "does this mean I'm in the will now?" It's been a gorgeous weekend, and I had a 4 day weekend, one of those days I was sick though, the other 3 spent out in the park, the zoo and the sun.

Plans for this weekend, go to Kenora with my bestest for May long. Lots of bevys shall be had.

Surprise!

I'm unsure if this blog deserves an update. My last update was almost 2 months ago. A lot of shit has happened since then. I'm trying to be a better person, trying to move on, just TRYING in general.

Live music escapes me. There's tons of awesome/amazing shows going on in this fair city, however, I have not been motivated to go to any of them.

The end of February and beginning of March were absolute shit! I'm sure live music would've helped immensely. It was a catch-22 though. Felt depressed and worthless, so not wanting to go out to the one thing that could possibly make me happy, was like UGH!

I'm MOSTLY (but not completely, and will never be) over it now, and starting to get better and not let things get me down. Go with the flow, that's my motto. It's all you really can do.

I've come to the realisation that I must love the drama. Haha. I claim to hate it, but it makes life interesting and a little bit more exciting, although all the more frustrating. Meh, oh well. I really don't want to get into too many details here. The details are for me, and those close to me.

I turn 25 in less than 2 months. Must figure out a plan. I know there's a few awesome shows going on that week, that might be a part of my birthday celebrations. Also the idea of a house party is being thrown around. But that means I must clean house before then, and then again after the party.

So yes, things are different, and also very much the same. I miss writing, I miss my guitar, but must focus on other things at the present time. Like I said just trying to be happy, trying to be me, and just again just trying and struggling for the betterment of everything.

The Moment

Something I wrote a few weeks ago.

The moment
You walk out that door
Everything ends
There ain't no
goin back
Must start
over again
Just leave me alone
Don't even
Want to
be friends
Dragged on
Far too long
Just want it
All to end
You said
it all tonight
Don't want
to be here
Not even trying to
Put up a fight
For everything
We had
Never want to hear
from you again
You brought
me along
To hurt me again
I really need
this to end
So sick of this
back and forth
You don't treat
Me what I'm worth
Leave me alone tonight
for right now
and the rest
of your life.

Good Stuff

I meant to write a blog update, on January 27th, which was the year mark of me starting this. However, I got distracted as usual, and forgot to update this entirely. Just finished listening to Bike for Three! - More Heart Than Brains. I love that album and cannot get enough of it. It's so good.

I had an amazing weekend. On Friday I went to The Royal Albert to check out Bloodshot Bill and The Angry Dragons. Had a great time dancing. Jocelyn joined up with me. Just when I thought it was over after The Angry Dragons stopped playing, another band started setting up. The Vibrating Beds were so good! The Angry Dragons rocked so hard, and made me want to dance! And The Vibrating beds were just amazing. Didn't get home until after 3. Watched Entourage. I love that show.

Saturday was much the same as Friday night, headed over to The Royal Albert, when I arrived The Farrell Brothers just hit the stage. It was only my second time seeing them, but I'd definitely go see them again. Then Bloodshot Bill hit the stage with 3/4s of The Angry Dragons, as his backing band. It was awesome, I love going out and dancing, and this music made me want to dance.

Sunday we did the FUNdrive show. It was so awesome. I had so much fun doing it. We played a lot of awesome music. We sang Jackson on air. I was Johnny Cash, and Jocelyn played the part of June Carter Cash. It was a blast, and had a great time doing the show. We broke our goal and raised 985$! That was a great feeling, raising that much, especially during the Super Bowl. Go us! After the show, went to go check out The Crooked Brothers, and the end of the Super Bowl. Matt, from The Crooked Brothers, lost his voice. I'd really like to go see them again when he has his voice back.

I'm keeping my ears to the ground for things going on this weekend. I can't be bothered to stay in. Need to get out. And dance. Or just enjoy music.