A long time coming....

Guess who's back? Back again?

That's right. It's your dear old friend Ms. Charlie Prescott. A lot has happened in the almost 3 years since I've updated this thing. And I feel that now is the right time. A comment I made tonight in passing made me realise how much things have changed.

I got a mandoline for Christmas. Charlie of years past, would've gotten a mandolin. I made the comment "I can't wait to play with my mandoline later, cutting vegetables, and not making music".

I haven't written in years. I've been too busy to miss it until lately, I'm trying to reclaim, my life and reclaim me and Charlie. So the update. I quit marijuana, because I was pregnant. I'm now the proud mother of the most gorgeous and hilarious 2 year old girl. She's my life. Also I mentioned missing a doctors appointment, and going to get the results now that I had other medical concerns (me having a child, namely).

The results weren't good. I was tentatively diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. A follow up MRI after the birth of my child, confirmed the diagnosis. My relationship fell apart. So here I am, a single mother, with relapsing - remitting Multiple Sclerosis, and I'm the happiest I've been in years. I'm determined to live my life on my terms, and to be happy and content in my choices from here on out.

I've adopted a Paleo lifestyle in the past few months, and am feeling great. My energy levels have been so up. Luckily so far the only thing the MS has effected is the loss of sight in my eye in May 2010 (which I regained), and my energy. I've starting working out, I conveniently work at a gym, and am slowly rediscovering my old self (minus the booze problem). I've never been so focused on a goal, it's not even a goal. I'd just like to be healthy and mobile as long as possible, so my daughter doesn't remember a gimpy mom.

So that's my life in a nutshell, in the past 3 years. Hopefully I'll be back here more often. I'd like to start writing again, and I believe more inspiration will be arriving shortly, I don't know who or what it'll be, but I can feel something changing or coming.

Also to all the assholes who've been trying to hijack my Charlie Prescott google id. Fuck off. I got this bitch on lockdown.

**Long Awaited Update**

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Well I haven't updated this blog in like forever! I used to update it all the time, and I don't even remember the last time I updated it. I'm currently writing in my MacBook (yes I'm a snob like that) in a text document, so I can't even look back to see when the last update was and what I last wrote. I believe it was sometime in the summertime when I was feeling betrayed by the people I trusted around me.

Well a few things are new with me, somethings I'm not ready to divulge at this particular moment, but sometime in the upcoming weeks/months.

I've quit drinking, after a gong show New Years Eve, that I don't particularly remember. I was blacked out before midnight, didn't start drinking until after 10 p.m. so that spelled disaster right there. Too many embarrassing stories the next day and weeks told about me and my antics. Figured my drinking days were over since, I couldn't get a grip on myself anymore. Being out of control is not fun. At least my planned self destruction a few years ago, was planned and in control, where I never blacked out. But as time went on being blacked out and doing embarrassing shit became a normal occurrence. That was not the path I wanted to be headed down.

Also in the past month or two, I've given up the one thing that was a constant in my life for the past 10 years. Marijuana. It was a big step, but it had to be done. Surprisingly I don't actually miss it as much as I thought I would. I find my mind is a lot clearer. I'm not so sluggish and I actually feel motivated to do things. I'm not blaming pot for making me sluggish and unmotivated. I believe that part of me was within myself, and I let pot be a crutch for that.

I haven't been writing lately. I don't know what to write, it's like I've hit a wall. Also I don't remember the last time I picked up my guitars and even tuned them. They're so sad and neglected. I miss them, but rarely have the alone time to play with them. Life is cleaning and work now. I'm determined to keep my house clean and not to fall back into old behaviours.

I'm at a major turning point in my life now. I'm 25 now, I'll be 26 in about two months. I have a lot to look forward too. Also another thing I've given up is smoking. I quit smoking back in December. Just once I was finished a pack of cigarettes I decided not to go buy another and it was surprisingly that simple. I haven't had a cigarette since. Not even when I was still drinking. The worst is when I'd crave a cigarette after smoking a bowl. It was my ritual, smoke a bowl, smoke a cigarette. Mmmmm smoke filled lungs. I've become something I never thought I'd be; a sober person, free of everything.

I have a few big choices to make in the near future, decide what I really want for myself. This life is more than just me now, and I have to realise that. I'm unsure what to do, at this current juncture. I know what's coming, but am unsure how to proceed.

I just had a few moments of sideline from writing this, and went into my bedroom to look for something unrelated. But upon further inspection I believe my notebooks from the past few years are missing. So say I'm upset is in understatement. My songs, poems, my soul was in those pads of paper. I hope they're just currently misplaced and hiding somewhere in my abode. I'm too distraught right now to actually look for them. I fear I may just throw things around and create a big mess. I'll wait until I'm calm and have plenty of time to clear things out to look for them. I sincerely hope they're just lost in this mess. Not that there is much of a mess anymore, but I hope you know what I mean.

I was looking for a letter from a doctor's appointment I missed back in December, to get the results of a MRI I had undergone. I forgot to write down the appointment, therefore missed my follow-up. Considering the situation as of late, I feel it's of the utmost importance I get to see the doctor. However, I've only seen this particular doctor once before, and forget his name, and I know what department he works, perhaps on Monday, I'll call that department at the hospital and see what I can do from there.

But yes, I hope to update this thing more often. We shall see where my life is headed now, and what's in store for me.

Sub Peace and Harmony

I got this email over the weekend, in one of my gmail addresses, and just thought I would share it, so weird that I got it in one but not the others. Also I wrote an update over the weekend for this blog that's an actual post, and will update tomorrow

Dear Brothers & Sisters,

We all need to pray for one another, and to love one
another. We should always pray for the safety, peace,
love and brotherhood for people all over the world.

Too bad we can't have an independence day for the
entire world. A day of freedom from ignorance, hatred,
war, illusions, power and control. A day where we can
all love each other as human beings and toss away the
weapons of war, and cast out our fears and hatreds
from our hearts into the graves. We must mourn the
graves of the innocents all over the world, and give
the children of the world the hope of a peaceful,
loving and beautiful world.

A world full of love and without hatred or fear. A
world where we can join hands together and accept one
another, regardless of our skin color, ethnic
divisions, religion or nationality. If we don't unite
as a human race, then we have condemned the future
generation of children a dark and very grim future.

Think of love, compassion and peace always...


MY PRAYER FOR PEACE AND HARMONY

Merciful God, You made all of the people of the world
in Your own image and placed before us the pathway of
salvation through different Preachers who claimed to
have been Your Saints and Prophets. But, the
contradictions (made by us) in the interpretation of
Your teachings have resulted in creating divisions,
faith based hatreds and bloodshed in the world
community. Millions of innocent men, women and
children have so far been brutally killed by the
militants of several religions who have been
committing horrifying crimes against humanity and
millions more would not be butchered by them in the
future, if You guide and help us find ways to reunite
peacefully.

IN THE NAME OF GOD, THE COMPASSIONATE, THE MERCIFUL,
look with compassion on the whole human family; take
away the controversial teachings of arrogance,
divisions and hatreds which have badly infected our
hearts; break down the walls that separate us; reunite
us in bonds of love; and work through our struggle and
confusion to accomplish Your purposes on earth; that,
in Your good time, all nations and races could jointly
serve You in justice, peace and harmony. (Amen)

Regards,
S.A.Rehman
Peace Activist
PAKISTAN

Idiot

I feel like such a fucking fool, and idiot. I expect the best out of people, because I only give them the best of me, and expect the same in return. But I suppose that is too much to ask for.

I've been told I'm a horrible judge of character and I suppose I am. But even my own family? Like my own blood? I just don't understand. This is the second time I've known about this person has gone behind my back. Then acts like my best friend when I see them in person. Like what the fuck? Just be real. I hate fake people.

Reoccurring themes in my life. Same shit, different day. I'm just done with certain people. FUCKING DONE, like dinner! Like fuck. This is a rant-like blog post, if you haven't noticed that already.

But seriously folks, like where has the trust in this world gone? Maybe I just trust in the wrong people? But who are the right people? All I want is to find someone where the trust will remain unbroken and intact. But trust just seems to break.

I need to escape this city, and just be alone and think. But it seems like I have nowhere to go. I'll figure something out.

Commit

I cannot commit to anything, not even self-destruction. Last year I was on this sure path to self-destruction. I was drinking 4-7 times a week, getting drunk each and every time. A week of me taking it easy, meant me drinking 3 times a week.

Self-destruction was to be my release, however that never happened. My drinking is now in check, and I get drunk maybe once a week if that. My world of excess is no longer in excess. With my alcohol-induced state, I was able to write to much. Accomplish so much writing, no matter how melancholy the writing was, it was still writing. Since my life of excess has subsided, I've noticed my writing has also slowed. I have no idea if this is directly related but it seems to be.

I don't seem to get the same motivation from getting high. The thoughts and ideas don't flow out of me, like they did when alcohol was involved. The reason I don't drink as much, is because with alcohol, a lot of other baggage comes with it for me. It's a very tough balance. Well actually I was able to maintain the alcohol without other substances becoming involved, for some time. Almost a year. I made it almost a year, but then the bad things were introduced back into my life. It was like they had never left. This spelt a troubling time for me. Where there was absolutely no inspiration, just shit around every corner. I felt myself falling back into this hole. I didn't want to get lost again, and luckily I was able to break free.

I'm now at a point, where I miss my writing, but I'm unsure of myself. I don't have the confidence to put my thoughts and ideas out there, thinking everything I produce is shit. I'm in love with my drunk writing, and want that back. I miss it. Must figure a way to keep the balance, be honest with myself and my writing without using alcohol as my muse.

I'm trying and trying, but all my best thoughts come to me right before sleep, and I lay there and wonder; should I write these things now, before they're lost forever? Or should I sleep? Sleep often wins. Need to work on just staying up and writing what decides to flow out of me at whatever time.

I remember when I used to drive, I would be driving and perhaps sometimes stop in the middle of the highway, well pull over of course, and just have a fit of words. But nothing stopped me. I need to get over my issues whatever those may be. Just write, write, write. Don't worry, don't think, don't do anything but write.

Superheroes

I love a good superhero analogy. Here are my current two favourites. The first is from Kill Bill, and Bill's superhero speech about Clark Kent/Superman which I love.

As you know, I'm quite keen on comic books. Especially theones about superheroes. I find the whole mythology surrounding superheroes fascinating. Take my favourite superhero, Superman. Not a great comic book. Not particularly well-drawn. But the mythology...The mythology is not only great, it's unique.

Now, the staple of the superhero mythology is, there's the superhero and there's the alter ego. Batman is actually Bruce Wayne, Spider-Man is actually Peter Parker. When that character wakes up in the morning, he's Peter Parker. He has to put on a costume to become Spider-Man. And it is in that characteristic Superman stands alone. Superman didn't become Superman. Superman was born Superman. When Superman wakes up int he morning, he's Superman. His alter ego is Clark Kent. His outfit with the big red “S”, that's the blanket he was wrapped in as a baby when the Kents found him. Those are his clothes. What Kent wears – the glasses, the business suit – that's the costume. That's the costume Superman wears to blend in with us. Clark Kent is how Superman views us. And what are the characteristics of Clark Kent. He's weak...he's unsure of himself...he's a coward. Clark Kent is Superman's critique on the whole human race.


Here is my other new favourite, this an an excerpt from Michael Muhammad Knight's book Journey to the End of Islam:


A week after coming home, I saw then new Batman movie, whipping out a notepad and scribbling thoughts in the dark:


post-9/11 PTSD


I felt it in the first shot, the camera zooming in on a building from the POV of Mohamed Ata in a cockpit.

The plot: Gotham City, the fictitious New York, has been overrun by a villain who betrays all the motives and methods of conventional crooks. The Joker is killing cops, assassinating officials, blowing up hospitals, frezing the city with videotaped threats, and declares himself the new ruler of Gotham, but he's not in it for the money or power, they say that he just “wants to see the world burn.” The good guys explicitly refer to the Joker as a terrorist, in case you failed to catch that he's Osama bin Laden.

On the public surface, the Joker's opposition is Harvey Dent, the idealistic new district attorney who wields the power of law and structure. Compulsive coin-tosser Dent believes in a dualistic universe of Good and Evil, with good guys and bad guys clearly defined by the way that they fight. The Joker burns off half his face and murders the love of his life, turning Dent into the monstrous Two-Face who now sets out to kill everyone he blames for his loss-both the criminals and heroes-to make things “fair.”

Batman continues the good fight underground, in ways that the public could never understand. The Joker is only defeated when Wayne Enterprises CEO Lucian Fox-played by Morgan Freeman, whose voice of moral authority has, various time sin his career, allowed him to play God and the president of the United States, as well as Malcolm X two decades before Denzel-agrees to temporarily suspend his ethics and spy on Gotham's citizens through their cell phones. Batman gives him the promise that it's just this one time, after which the computers will be destroyed. Lucian Fox is rewarded for his faith in the outlaw, while Batman shoots Dent and realises that Gotham cannot know what became of their beloved district attorney. Batman takes the blame for Dent's violence and becomes the sacrificial scapegoat hero who is never thanked, only despised and hunted by the city that he saved.

Knowing that the Joker is bin Laden, my question would be whether George W. Bush saw himself as Harvey Dent-the earnest public servant transformed by the monsters that he fights-You thought we could be decent men in an indecent world?-or Batman, our vigilante who does the wrong things for the right reasons and carries that burden because no one else can.

The film's moment of truth emerges when the Joker's “social experiment” in which two barges filled with evacuees are both rigged with bombs and the passengers of each are given a remote-control detonator to blow up the other. Whichever set of passengers decides to push the button first will be spared, but if neither have done so by the stroke of midnight, both will be destroyed. One barge is occupied from inmates from the local prison, the other is filled with apparently upstanding citizens. The Joker plays off their class prejudices, with the good citizens arguing that they shouldn't sacrifice themselves for criminals

According to the Joker, people are only as honourable as their situations allow them to be; if you threaten their security, all ethics and values go out the window. Batman counters that the people of Gotham are good, and he's right; the people on both barges reject the Joker's ultimatum, refusing to destroy the other. But Bush and bin Laden had a similar conversation with America, and we failed the test: the reelection of Bush during his war in Iraq was owned to Americans saying, Yes, to save ourselves we will blow up the innocent. Bin Laden wins.

Long Time Coming

Well apparently I rarely update my blog. It's just that I usually forget to update this thing, when I'm actually on the internet. Other things to do, music, and TV shows to download, get caught up on my internet reading, then it's time to move on again. And the things going on in my life right now, I feel odd sharing online. It's been a time to confide in close personal friends.

The radio show has been going really well. It's most definitely the highlight of my week. Also a few weeks ago, I got to see my hero Buck 65, as he was in the city doing a show for Jazzfest. I'm so glad I got to see him, I love his music like so fucking much, I cannot explain. He just speaks to me, an amazingly great lyricist. After the show, he came down off stages and started shaking hands with people in the crowd, I drunkenly walked up to him and gave him a hug. Not exactly sure what I said. A few seconds later I found Jocelyn to tell her the awesome news, and she mentioned getting her camera, and we found her camera and managed to score a picture, the two of us with him. I also gave him another hug, and he thanked me for the earlier hug.

I wish I had the courage to dance the way he dances, to not care about what other people think. Dancing can be extremely embarrassing when it shouldn't be. I loved when he'd say “watch this” and go into one of his awesome crazy dances. Want to be able to have that courage. I'm still not at that stage. I was able to take some awesome pictures of his performance. However, I was super-intoxicated, after the show. Jocelyn and I were walking by a fountain that someone had put bubbles in. She convinced me, by saying it would be fun, to jump in. So I did, had a great time playing in the fountain. However I later realized that my iPhone was in my pocket. All the pictures I took from that night = null & void.

I was in a pretty big funk right before Buck sauntered his way into my fair city, and it gave me the jump-start I desperately needed. Ever since he came and went, my life has been on an upswing.

My last post it seemed like I was semi-freaking out about my upcoming birthday. It went well. Do not remember much after 11 p.m. I got cut off, well half cut off, I was told the bartender said no more shots, or doubles. Singles were acceptable. I'm glad he afforded me that, not that I needed it. But from what I'm told I had a great night, hit on too many people that proved inappropriate. Made a few new friends who I shall never remember.

Last year I was filled with so much hope and inspiration. I have no idea where it as gone. I'm looking for it. Been pondering free will versus fate. A friend came to me in a dream a few weeks ago and asked if I believed in fate, and a great conversation came of it. Will things just come to me, or must I go out and seek them?

Seeking is fun, and I'm always up for adventure, or at least that's what I like to tell myself. Ramble, ramble, on and on I go. But I need to get this out. Thinking aloud. Been thinking a lot, about the way I act, and how I accept certain things, that no reasonable person would. Is this just who I am as a person, or have I just learned to accept these things in my life, because it's just not worth the time and effort. I hate to waste energy. Is it that I have no fight left? I sincerely hope that is not the case.

Reflecting what does it all mean. My actions, and subsequent reactions. Where does this all lead. Is there a point of this. What do I want out of life, and what am I willing to do to achieve it. I've always been the classic underachiever. Maintaining the bare minimum. Grade 10-12, took me four years, whereas it should've only taken three. It's not that I'm dumb, I just didn't want to put the effort into it, it all seemed pointless. Am I back at that place, but rather than it being high school, this is life. Is it possible to underachieve in life? I'm sure it is. It is not how I'd like to be remembered. Charlie the underachiever-oh the things she could've done if she applied herself. Or if she even just TRIED. Need some sort of motivation, but I suppose that only comes from within.


As things have transpired in the past few days since beginning to write this (July 16, it is now July 20), I'm starting to believe more in fate, than free will. What makes us do certain things to wind up in certain situations? If we turned left instead of right, we wouldn't have witnessed something that may or may not have changed the way we feel.

I'm a fuck up. That's pretty much it. I love the drama, can't seem to escape it. I try to, but find myself being drawn back. Now it's pretty much over, but I know I'll always be there for people in my life, even though I should've let them go long ago. It's over before it starts. I get into relationships like that, where I know it's over before it even starts. But I'm in love with being in love, no matter how shitty and fucked up the situation is. I don't like letting people down, even though they don't deserve the goodness that comes from me. I must grow up and learn and move on. We know this won't actually happen.

I turn 25 in 10 days. I'm unsure how I feel about that. I don't know if I'm happy at this point in my life right now. It's making me reflect and think. Last year I had at these grandiose plans. None of which I've actually followed through on. I seem to be all talk and no action. Must work on the action part.

I make horrible decisions. But I must accept them, and go on with life. I don't know what to do, where to go. I can't leave certain people behind even though I must. I don't want to seem to be the abandoner, although they first abandoned me. I realise I make the wrong kinds of "friends" but I think they need my help and no one else will give them the benefit of the doubt. They don't deserve that benefit, but I want them to prove everyone else wrong, and they just end up confirming everyone else's suspicions about them. So embarrassing. I need to start updating this more often. It helps me self-reflect. No more internet at home. We had a good run. I'd say a year off of free hi-jacked internet was more than enough time. I'm surprised it lasted that long.

On a more positive note, my mom, yesterday, spiritually adopted this guy into our family. So now I have another brother, spiritually. It was my first time meeting him, and she's known him for years. He seems like a pretty rad dude from the vibe I got from him. He's family now. I was joking with my mom after he left, next time I see him in public, I'm gonna be like "hey brother, can I have some money?" I learned we have a similar sense of humour. After the adoption, he asked my mom, "does this mean I'm in the will now?" It's been a gorgeous weekend, and I had a 4 day weekend, one of those days I was sick though, the other 3 spent out in the park, the zoo and the sun.

Plans for this weekend, go to Kenora with my bestest for May long. Lots of bevys shall be had.

Surprise!

I'm unsure if this blog deserves an update. My last update was almost 2 months ago. A lot of shit has happened since then. I'm trying to be a better person, trying to move on, just TRYING in general.

Live music escapes me. There's tons of awesome/amazing shows going on in this fair city, however, I have not been motivated to go to any of them.

The end of February and beginning of March were absolute shit! I'm sure live music would've helped immensely. It was a catch-22 though. Felt depressed and worthless, so not wanting to go out to the one thing that could possibly make me happy, was like UGH!

I'm MOSTLY (but not completely, and will never be) over it now, and starting to get better and not let things get me down. Go with the flow, that's my motto. It's all you really can do.

I've come to the realisation that I must love the drama. Haha. I claim to hate it, but it makes life interesting and a little bit more exciting, although all the more frustrating. Meh, oh well. I really don't want to get into too many details here. The details are for me, and those close to me.

I turn 25 in less than 2 months. Must figure out a plan. I know there's a few awesome shows going on that week, that might be a part of my birthday celebrations. Also the idea of a house party is being thrown around. But that means I must clean house before then, and then again after the party.

So yes, things are different, and also very much the same. I miss writing, I miss my guitar, but must focus on other things at the present time. Like I said just trying to be happy, trying to be me, and just again just trying and struggling for the betterment of everything.

The Moment

Something I wrote a few weeks ago.

The moment
You walk out that door
Everything ends
There ain't no
goin back
Must start
over again
Just leave me alone
Don't even
Want to
be friends
Dragged on
Far too long
Just want it
All to end
You said
it all tonight
Don't want
to be here
Not even trying to
Put up a fight
For everything
We had
Never want to hear
from you again
You brought
me along
To hurt me again
I really need
this to end
So sick of this
back and forth
You don't treat
Me what I'm worth
Leave me alone tonight
for right now
and the rest
of your life.

Good Stuff

I meant to write a blog update, on January 27th, which was the year mark of me starting this. However, I got distracted as usual, and forgot to update this entirely. Just finished listening to Bike for Three! - More Heart Than Brains. I love that album and cannot get enough of it. It's so good.

I had an amazing weekend. On Friday I went to The Royal Albert to check out Bloodshot Bill and The Angry Dragons. Had a great time dancing. Jocelyn joined up with me. Just when I thought it was over after The Angry Dragons stopped playing, another band started setting up. The Vibrating Beds were so good! The Angry Dragons rocked so hard, and made me want to dance! And The Vibrating beds were just amazing. Didn't get home until after 3. Watched Entourage. I love that show.

Saturday was much the same as Friday night, headed over to The Royal Albert, when I arrived The Farrell Brothers just hit the stage. It was only my second time seeing them, but I'd definitely go see them again. Then Bloodshot Bill hit the stage with 3/4s of The Angry Dragons, as his backing band. It was awesome, I love going out and dancing, and this music made me want to dance.

Sunday we did the FUNdrive show. It was so awesome. I had so much fun doing it. We played a lot of awesome music. We sang Jackson on air. I was Johnny Cash, and Jocelyn played the part of June Carter Cash. It was a blast, and had a great time doing the show. We broke our goal and raised 985$! That was a great feeling, raising that much, especially during the Super Bowl. Go us! After the show, went to go check out The Crooked Brothers, and the end of the Super Bowl. Matt, from The Crooked Brothers, lost his voice. I'd really like to go see them again when he has his voice back.

I'm keeping my ears to the ground for things going on this weekend. I can't be bothered to stay in. Need to get out. And dance. Or just enjoy music.

Monotonix

As if I totally forgot to mention Monotonix. What an amazing show! I'm so glad I went, although I did get sick as I was on my way to the venue. Damn old beer kegs! They were so good, played pretty much everywhere except the stage. The energy of the crowd was amazing. They played on top of the crowd! So good! So much fun! I semi survived the pit. Didn't last too long, although I was close to the band the whole night, but really who wasn't? Every time they stop through town, I shall be there!

The band had great energy, they really know how to put on a show and tear it up! Cannot wait until they pass by here again. I was wasted by the end of the night. As I was buying shots for the people I was there with, I made the comment "this is why we don't let me drink", and then Jocelyn says, "this is why we let you drink, you buy us drinks." Touche!

Approaching

I'm approaching the one year anniversary of the starting of this blog. So much, and nothing at all has changed. Makes one wonder. I'm kicking myself in the ass right now. There's a few bands playing at The Cavern I wanted to check out. But I didn't go for whatever reason. I should've just went.

Oh well, a nice quiet Friday night at home. I believe it has been a while since I had one of those. Just seems so strange and odd to be at home on a Friday, doing nothing. I'm restless, need company. Need to dance, need to breathe, need to live.

So yes

Haven't written in here for a few weeks. Let's see what has transpired. Mexico was awesome. Had a great time chillin' on the beach reading. So relaxing. Just what I wanted out of my vacation. Everyone's asking me what I did. Nothing is what I did, sat on the beach, drank and read. Nothing could be better. Did go check out Chichen Itza, that was amazing.

Didn't make it back in time to do the first show of the year. However I made up with my first show of the year. I love doing the show. It was hard being away for two weeks. Have another show upcoming in a few hours, definitely looking forward to it.

Since I've been back, I've gone to a few shows. Went to check out Romi Mayes, at Times Change(d), last Friday. Never been in there before. I really dug it. Then the next night, I made my triumphant return to The Albert and caught, The Animalistics, The Ruffnecks and Quagmire. It was an awesome show. I so missed The Albert. Love that venue/bar.

Tuesday is Monotonix at The Pyramid. No excuses, must go! Missed them last time, and missed out on an awesome show.

Life has been wacky. Finally got to catch up with two friends I haven't seen in forever. One meeting went awesome. The other fucked me over, twice. I thought he was like my brother, apparently not. But someone did say family does fucked up shit to another. Just not what I expected. Feel totally betrayed and like a dumbass. Just not fucking cool. Shit happens, and karma's a bitch! He'll get his. Haha!

Enough anger. Must leave in an hour and a bit to go do Only Cowards Sing At Night. It always makes me happy. Just some chill time, sharing music. What more can you ask for?

Signs

Found my guitar tuner a few days back. That made me happy. It was a sign for me to start playing again. Tuned up my guitar, but by then it was time for bed. Tried playing a few chords. Very rusty, must practice.

Listening to this one song from Buck 65's Dirtbike 3 non-stop. So amazingly good. The way you look at me sometimes, could melt the snow. Also the song Windsor Beer by The Crooked Brothers. It makes me want to head to the Windsor, have a few beer, and listen to the blues. Just sounds like home. I'll get Windsor drunk, and start thinking Windsor clear. Now that I have loved you, love will never be the same. Drinking for me often brings this weird sense of clarity. When it should be making things more muddled. I think too much.

I am actually sober writing this at 5:30 am. Usually when I'm up this late, I'm in an altered state of mind. Decided to give my liver a break today. Plus I took way too many naps, so that fucked up my sleep. It would've been fine, but there's so many people here. Playing musical beds. My niece hi-jacked my first bed, so I optioned the couch. People came in drunk, told me to go downstairs and sleep. I did, however about 20 minutes later, they had since forgot. Came downstairs and booted me out of that bed. Tried the couch again. That didn't work. I believe I have slept for about an hour tonight. I might try the couch again, but it doesn't seem promising.

Christmas was good. Got a new digital camera, a Wii, a Wii Fit Plus, a dress shirt and a gift card for more clothes. Hope to make it back into the city tomorrow in time for some Boxing Day shopping. Need to pick up a few things before I head out to Mexico on the 27th.

Did the last show of the year this past Sunday. It was fun, got to play what I've been listening to over the past week or two, or even the past year. Won't be doing the show this Sunday as I'll be in Mexico. Might make it back in time to do the first show of the year on January 3rd, however, I am unaware what time my flight gets back in.

Trying to convince myself to buy $350 headphones. Don't think I'll win that argument. So glad I'm not trying to sleep right now, said people keep on walking up and down the stairs, and passing through the couch area.

I'm still breathing, my heart's still beating...my thoughts cannot stop racing. Sleep. Music. Lyrics.

Writing/Music

Been having a pretty good week so far. Not letting things get to me. Moving on. It's a good feeling. I've been meaning to write more. Both on this and for myself. I've finally gotten around to this, hope to get around to writing on paper soon.

Pretty uneventful week. Went out Monday for a friend's birthday. That was fun. Worked through the volunteer party. Skipped out on the staff party tonight. Tomorrow should be a blast. Going out with my best friend for her birthday! So excited, it's been so long since we've celebrated her birthday together. I'm not sure what's up for Saturday. Really want to go see The Farrell Brothers, but we'll see how that goes.

Been listening to Buck 65's Dirtbike project non-stop. Especially Dirtbike 3. There's this one track on there I cannot get enough of. Looking forward to doing the radio show on Sunday. It'll be our last show of the year. No theme, going to play music we straight up enjoy. Good times.

Good Show

Had an awesome show tonight. Everything just came together. There was nothing that I wanted to play that I didn't get the chance to. Kicked off the show with Mos Def. Oh how I love him. Jocelyn played some awesome tracks I really dug. Got my Buck 65 fix. He's just so amazing. I believe I'll love anything he's involved with. Learned about this Dirtbike project he did last year. Started listening to it today. We'll see how that goes.

Been listening to a lot of the Beastie Boys this past week. Playing Solid Gold Hits non-stop. They rock so much, and just put me in a good mood. I knew I got my Solid Gold tattoo for more reasons than Eagles of Death Metal. Go Beastie Boys!

After so much of nothing, I have so much going on this week. A friend's birthday party tomorrow, possibly a volunteer get together on Wednesday, a staff party on Thursday, my best friend's birthday on Friday, along with 80's vs 90's night. Definitely looking forward to that. On Saturday is another friends birthday party, the Crooked Brothers are playing, and so are the Farrell Brothers at the Albert. But no matter what events I decide to go to when, I'm sure it'll be fun.

Almost picked up my guitar yesterday for about the first time in 6 months. However it's horribly out of tune, and I misplaced my tuner. I cannot tune it by ear. I did a lot of writing over the weekend, and feel good about it. Things to expand on.

Choices

I always seem to make bad choices. Well not always, but more often than not, especially when dealing with my love life. And that is all I shall say about that.

I haven't been very good about updating lately. Just been too busy with someone that wasn't really worth my time in the long run. Must start going to shows again. I have missed way too many shows since August. There has been so many shows that I've wanted to go to, but I didn't for various reasons, and I'm just finally kicking myself in the ass about that now.

Must start anew.

A few weeks ago, The Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day finally played in my fair city. Went and watched it, it was awesome as far as sequels go. I believe that was the last movie I went to go see in the theatres.

Been doing a shitload of reading. Finally read some Hemingway, and actually enjoyed the 2 books of his that I read. Next is a detective novel, see how that turns out. Sherlock Holmes comes out this month. I really want to see that, and also read the set of novels he was featured in. But am unsure where to start. Just finish reading the books that I currently have out of the library and the ones that are on hold.

That is my life as of late, movies and books, and radio show on Sundays. The radio show brings me up. Had a shitty weekend, the show definitely brought my mood up for the time being. So many things to do, so little time. Must get a passport. Don't want to. Ugh.

Don't Think Twice, It's Alright

It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
If’in you don’t know by now
An' it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It’ll never do some how.
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window and I'll be gone
You're the reason I'm trav'lin' on
Don't think twice, it's all right

It ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
An' it ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
I'm on the dark side of the road
but I wish there was somethin' you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
We never did too much talkin' anyway
So don't think twice, it's all right

It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
Like you never done before
It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
I can't hear you any more
I'm a-thinkin' and a-wond'rin' walkin’ down the road
I once loved a woman, a child I'm told
I give her my heart but she wanted my soul
But don't think twice, it's all right

So long, Honey Babe
Where I'm bound, I can't tell
But Goodbye's too good a word, babe
So I'll just say fare thee well
I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don't mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time
But don't think twice, it's all right

Written by the always awesome Bob Dylan

November 2

November is upon us. I was looking at my phone yesterday doing the radio show, and was like wow it's November. The months are flying by. I haven't gone to any shows. Been going to see a lot of movies in the theatre. I love movies. If there's one thing I love as much as music, it's movies. In the past year, I rarely went to the theatre. I think I've been to the theatre more in the past month than I've gone in the past year. Boondock Saints 2 is out, must find out where it's playing in this city. I'm not sure if it is even. Damn limited releases.

The radio show is going well, Jocelyn and I have been having friendly competitions the past few weeks. It makes for fun radio. I wish I could drag myself to more shows, but I've been such a cheap ass, as of late. But movies are good and entertaining and best of all, cheap.

I'm not sure what to write, lots of things happening, and yet nothing at all.